Will My Divorce Affect My Relationship with My Grandchildren?

 Posted on July 15, 2021 in Divorce

Even though Illinois is a no-fault divorce state and does not allow for causal blame in the divorce process, family members may still view one party in a divorce as “causing” the divorce to happen. In the face of hostility or bitterness during your divorce after 50, you may naturally wonder if your divorce will impact your ability to have a positive relationship with your grandchildren.

Issues with Adult Children

The most common problems that could have an impact on your relationship with your grandchildren are likely to stem from your relationship with your own child. While older divorcing couples may avoid dealing with some of the problems of having very young children in a divorce, such as custody battles or child support payments, it would be a mistake to think your divorce will not have any effect on your adult children.

Adult children can and do have as complex and difficult reactions to their parents’ divorce as young children do. They may feel guilty, angry, responsible, or resentful towards you. Your divorce may cause them to doubt the longevity of their own relationships and question the validity of marriage in general. They may take this out on you by restricting access to your grandchildren.

This does not mean you should stay in an unhappy marriage, but it does mean that you should be prepared for a wide range of responses from your child that could impact your contact with your grandchildren.

Avoid Resentment

One way you can preserve the relationship with your own child, and therefore your grandchildren, is to make a commitment to keeping them from being caught in the conflict between you and your spouse. The division of assets between you and your spouse may eventually affect your child by impacting their inheritance, but in the immediate divorce process, only you and your spouse should be navigating any disputes regarding property or finances.

Avoid trash-talking your ex to your child, and especially to your grandchildren. Even if you are feeling hurt or angry towards your ex, try to encourage a relationship between him or her and the rest of your family. Just like you, your ex will have a lifetime connection to your progeny, and your own life will be easier if you can help everyone get along.

Commit to Connection

Divorce affects people in surprising and unpredictable ways. You can do your best to ensure a positive, long-term relationship with your grandchildren by committing to keep the big picture in mind and making an effort to remain in their lives.

This is especially true for grandfathers, whom studies show are more impacted emotionally by the effects of a divorce later in life. Let your loved ones know that your divorce does not change the way you feel about them; you are still their parent or grandparent, and you still love and support them.

Contact a DuPage County Divorce Attorney

Navigating divorce later in life comes with a special set of complications and considerations. Hiring a Wheaton, Illinois divorce attorney who has experience with grey divorce will ensure your divorce goes as smoothly as possible. The attorneys at Goostree Law Group are skilled in handling divorce after 50 and will advocate for your best interests throughout the divorce process. Call us today at 630-634-5050 for a confidential consultation.

Source:

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00170.x